That's intense
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
