Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
