Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
