wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
