So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
