I think I am morally bankrupt
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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