I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
