Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
