cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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