Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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