do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
