Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
