boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
