Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
