20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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