I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
