I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Congratulations! We have a period
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
