She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
