a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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