My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
