Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
