Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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