Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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