I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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