Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
