My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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