Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
