Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
