I cockslap morals
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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