I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
