Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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