I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
