Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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