24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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