see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
