so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
