this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We need to get me chipped asap
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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