Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
nutella sex= disaster
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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