i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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