I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
