I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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