he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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