she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
