There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
