Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I could make wine with my vomit
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
