so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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