the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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