What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My vagina is officially offended.
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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