onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
