I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
